Last Meals

I didn't cook anything but I was high when I started reading about last meals and famousish killers' particular meals.

Fun ones:

Some prick in Texas last month ordered:
Two chicken fried steaks smothered in gravy with sliced onions; a triple meat bacon cheeseburger with fixings on the side; a cheese omelet with ground beef, tomatoes, onions, bell peppers and jalapenos; a large bowl of fried okra with ketchup; one pound of barbecue with half a loaf of white bread; three fajitas with fixings; a Meat Lovers pizza; three root beers; one pint of Blue Bell vanilla ice cream; and a slab of peanut butter fudge with crushed peanuts.
Upon receiving the smorgasbord he refused to eat any.
Senator Whitmire complained about it and Texas no longer offers custom meals.

Philip Workman requested to forgo his meal and have a vegetarian pizza delivered to a homeless person in Nashville. The prison refused, FTLulz

Robert Alton Harris' final meal was a bunch of regular shit but his last words "You can be a king or a street sweeper, but everybody dances with the grim reaper," were taken from Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey, which is awesome.

Thomas J Grasso enjoyed two dozen steamed mussels, two dozen steamed clams, a double cheeseburger from Burger King, half-dozen barbequed spare ribs, two strawberry milkshakes, half a pumpkin pie with whipped cream with diced strawberries and a 16-ounce can of spaghetti with meatballs, served at room temperature. He later complained "I did not get my Spaghettios I got spaghetti. I want the press to know this."
Imagining his tone of voice with "I want the press to know this" has me rolling with laughter.

Victor Feguer requested a single olive with the pit in.

A surprising number of people get fried chicken, in particular KFC (I'd get Popeyes if it's going to be fast food chicken, personally).

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Hmmmmm, what would be my last meal…
Fuck that, without some deep, end of life thought I can't narrow that down, so I'll go with last day of meals.

Breakfast: Papi's café con leche and toast, Pinky's eggs Benedict and special potatoes, a post-Thanksgiving sexwich comprised of: Nana's challah, honey baked ham, dark meat turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy. Fresh, unpasteurized tangerine juice. Hot'n'fresh Krispy Kreme donut

Lunch: Caldo gallego, my blue cheese-roasted garlic turkey burgers on rye with spinach and Valencia Gardens machine fries. Fresh strawberry limeade with Sonic ice.

Mid-late afternoon snack (yes you get a last afternoon snack, the warden is an awesome guy): Tuna nigiri and peppery green tea.

Dinner: Guppy's grouper sandwich, black bean soup. Rice with blackeyed peas and buttery green peas (separated), buttery-salty-sweet as can be corn-on-the-cob. Glass-bottled Mexican CocaCola, purified water with hand-crushed ice.
Desert: Alice's cheesecake and a peanut butter milkshake made with homemade cinnamon ice cream. Espresso.

Quick & dirty porkon-bleu

AKA pork coron-bleu for when you're high.

Slicing out pockets in the meat, making bechamel etc can fuck itself when you're high, this is fact.
Corners cut does not an undelicious meal make.

4 Pork chops (bone in, .75 in is what I like)
Flour
Breadcrumbs
1 egg
Smokey deli ham (tavern ham works well) sliced about what you would normally have (threeish mm thick)
(baby) Spinach
Good swiss cheese, sliced thin
Dijon mustard
Oil (I use 1:2 olive to peanut)

Liberally season pork chops with salt & pepper, bit of garlic & onion powder; allow to sit at room temperature ~1 hour.
Set up a flour-egg wash-breadcrumbs station and proceed as normal (if you don't know how to do this may god have mercy on your soul). I like a teaspoon or so mustard in the egg wash, dunno if it does anything but I do it regardless.
Fry pork chops on high three to four minutes per side, just for color.
Place a cookie rack on a baking pan and arrange chops.
Smear one teaspoon dijon on chops. Top with ham, baby spinach and two slices swiss.
Throw in preheated 410 oven for no longer than fifteen minutes (remember pork's best friend the digital beepy oven thermometer) until cooked through and cheese is simply gorgeous.

Cuban fried rice

I had planned on making some fried rice (I bought two extra steamed rices the other day just for the occasion) but we had a ton of leftover yellow rice so I figured I'd use it.
I realized it was still a bit moist but tried anyway.
Got the age-old crust on the bottom and need for too much oil that comes from using boiled rice.
Simply gotta use steamed.

Not bad, though.

The one time it sounds like I came up with something high

Toast Chee (cheese crackers sandwiching peanut butter, AMAZING) are absolutely fantastic smashed up in (vanilla) ice cream.
Quarters/fifthish are perfectly sized.

Anyone who doesn't like salty-sweet is an ignoramus.

Not so hypothetical question

Is it wrong to stir a bloody Mary with a chicken wing?

If so I don't want to be right.

Pork & potatoes that I didn't like much but everyone else did

Pork tenderloins (2, about 3.5 lbs or so)
Onion soup mix
Potatoes of your choice (5-7)
Yellow onions (2)
S&P, whatever else you like
Dill
Chicken broth
White wine

Coat the tenderloins in the soup mix and brown a bit in an oven-safe pan on medium-high heat all around about five minutes. The mix has plenty of salt so don't worry about seasoning.
While these are cooking slice two onions quite thin and chop potatoes into inch(ish) cubes.
Deglaze pan with 1/8 cup chicken broth and a splash of white wine.
Cover pork with onions and place potatoes where ever you like.
Season potatoes & onions with salt & pepper and a good bit of fresh dill.
Throw the whole thing into 410 oven until the pork registers 145 internal temperature (a good, set & forget digital meat thermometer is tenderloin's best friend), about twenty minutes.
Remove the tenderloins and wrap in foil to rest for ten minutes or so, during which the potatoes & onions should be placed back in the oven (now 430 degrees) as the potatoes are most likely still a bit raw.
If the pan is drying out add a bit more broth.

Slice tenderloin into medallions and return to the onion/potato gravy.

I didn't care too much for this meal as the onions and (yukon gold) potatoes got a bit sweet which I didn't want but everyone who ate it raved so whatever.

Breakfast Soup

I just realized I've never seen a (Western style) breakfast soup.

I've made about a half gallon of okay chicken stock (better than can but I've definitely made better) and will experiment in the morning.

Not High Swedish Meatballs

So I'm not high but this was still amazing/mostly off the cuff.
Note, this is for my big ol' family, knock down your proportions as appropriate

Viking Meatballs
1.5 lb ground pork
(or .75 lb pork, .75 lb veal)
1 lb ground stag (aka venison sausage)
3-4 onions
3 cloves garlic
Tarragon (dried for ease)
Dill (fresh)
Thyme (dry)
Dijon
Nutmeg
2 eggs
1 cup breadcrumbs
.5 lb mushrooms
Butter/oil
Beef broth
Quick-whisk flour
Sour cream
Parsley for garnish

Salt & pepper (derr)

Step one: Put Garrison Keillor on the radio

Dice onions to about a quarter inch, season and sweat extensively at low heat to not quite caramelized but very soft (I loathe big chunks of half raw onion in my meatballs/meatloaf) with two cloves smashed garlic. This could take a while, I just let it sit at very low and stir from time to time, 10-15 minutes.
While that's cooking mix meats with a strong pinch of the above herbs/spices (emphasis on my beloved tarragon, go easy on the dill, it's strong of course) and a squirt of dijon (.5 tbsp). Bit of salt loads of pepper.
Add onions, mix a bit and add (beaten) eggs, toss. Mix (hands work best) with half a cup of breadcrumbs, if it seems too wet/unmanageable add the rest. The mix should be just slightly crumbly.

Roll meat mix into balls. I like somewhere between a golfball and a racquetball ball.
In a large pan fry (5-6) balls all around a bit (enough to get some delicious brown bits in the pan) in butter & oil, place in baking pan & cover with foil. Continue cooking in a 330 (or so) degree oven while the rest of the balls are prepared.

While meatballs are in the pan dice one large yellow onion as fine as you can and smash one clove garlic. Throw in with mushrooms (sliced or diced fine, I prefere the latter) to whatever oil remains in the pan after all meatballs are in the oven. Add oil if necessary.
Give a quick saute one medium high until nicely browned. Clear some room & add three pats butter & .5 tbsp of oil. Add quick-whisk flour (Wondra, it's basically superfine flour) and whisk until fully combined.

Add approx three cups beef broth and stir; heat until a loose gravy forms and add .5 cup sour cream. Mix until fully combined.

Take meatballs out of oven. This should be about fifteen-twenty minutes overall in there, they should be fully cooked. Pour whatever fat/juice is in the pan into the gravy and stir. Add meatballs and coat.
Serve over egg noodles (mmm…egg noodles) with a bunch of fresh parsley.

Enjoy your stag with a great flagon of mead before raiding the English coast, Norse warrior.

Culinary Best Friends

I haven't really cooked anything novel while high so nothing really new.

But I'm sweating some onions now for Swedish meatballs made with stag (aka venison sausage) like a proper Norse raider and was spicing/herbing the meat when I had an idea.

The following is a small, likely to be expanded in the future list of things that are great together.
Tarragon & dill.
Eggs & tarragon/dill.
Split pea soup & bleu cheese
Thanksgiving yams & bleu cheese (I'm a total slut for sweet-sharp, throw in smoky bacon + salted toasted pecans and I can't be held accountable for my actions)
Pork & mustard
Pork & berries (most any kind, I'm partial to rasp)
Toasted and crushed fennel seeds with anything ever.
Mushrooms and gravy

Vaguely subcontinental pork & potatoes

First things first: my recipes are not precise, I make them more or less off the cuff

Marmalade chops with turmeric potatoes
Chops
Pork chops (4)
Orange marmalade
Orange juice
Garlic
Sambal
Ginger


In a gallon ziploc add approx half a cup of marmalade, two cups orange juice, tablespoon or two sambal (SE Asian chili-garlic sauce, rooster sauce works but sambal isn't too hard to find). A garlic clove or two, minced (I like jarred minced garlic for marinades, so half a tablespoon or so), thumb-sized bit of ginger -minced/garlic pressed; three teaspoons(ish) salt, good bit of pepper.


Marinate chops three hours, grill to perfection (4-6 minutes a side over high flame)

Potatoes
Potatoes (I like red)
Olive oil
Garlic
Turmeric
Butter
Cumin
Paprika


Chop potatoes to desired size (eighths is good), boil in salted water approximately seven minutes, until they can be pierced by a fork but still good and solid.
Meanwhile, slice garlic thinly and add to medium-low heat olive oil in a good size pan (enough to coat all potatoes (4-6), just guess -two tablespoons). Heat until garlic juuust browns (three minutesish) and remove slices. Add half teaspoon or so turmeric, mix with rubber spatula, check color on paper towel.
Add two pats butter just to melt. Toss potatoes until covered in that lovely yellow oil. Pinch of salt if necessary. Serve with the nice, subtle flavor from turmeric or lightly dust with cumin and paprika. Place under low broil for five minutes.
I timed it so the potatoes would be under just as long as the chops were resting after the grill (five minutes or so)


Notes:
I haven't done it yet but plan on doing the same garlic-oil bit with some sauteed spinach to be served with the potatoes.
"Vaguely subcontinental" in that it seems the Indians might have done something tasty with British marmalade back when and turmeric potatoes are nothing particularly new.

I like to cook

As an historically picky (and poor) eater, I was often faced with family meals in which I had no interest.

So I learned to cook for myself, simple as that.

This often coincides with inebriation, nowadays. It gets you creative in the kitchen or something, when you're bored and hungry etc, recipe for disaster or brilliance.

If you don't get the purpose of this simple, stupid blog by now well...